How I Got Here.

I would consider myself to have always been the athletic type person. I played basketball and tennis in high school. I am fairly tall and I’ve been told I “carry” my weight well. I grew up in the 90’s when Kate Moss was popular, being bone skinny was the thing. Then Abercrombie came around; if you weren’t a 000 then you weren’t wearing their clothes.

In the beginning, I never had an issue with my size, that is, until some popular guys at school said I had thunder thighs. I can remember looking down at my legs, like, what? That was the start of my weight frenzy. I remember I tried not eating meat, or very much at all and almost past out, I think I was 15 or 16. Once My mom took me to the doctor for something and he noticed my weight bounced around and told her to keep an eye on me, thought I could be developing and eating disorder. We both looked at each other and we were dumb founded. My mom replied with “she eats.” That was that, nothing more to discuss.

I was fine until I got into college. I stayed thin my Freshman year, but my Sophomore year, I gained probably 20 pounds mainly from partying and not knowing what actual healthy food was. I started on Hydroxy Cut, that was all the rage then, I basically shit out everything I ate. I got thin, really thin. I loved it.

I believe Hydroxy Cut had ephrin in it and then it got banned or something, it' didn’t work like it had after they took that out. So what had I learned? I learned that if you shit all the time, you’ll stay skinny. That’s where the laxatives came in…or I should now say, Bulimia.

I was fine for a bit, but then I had started dating this guy, God I hate him. I remember he grabbed a part of my thigh and said “you just need to lose this.” I started working out, a lot, just a bunch of cardio. Ate less. I actually made a lot of progress, but I decided to start the laxatives again. We broke up and I stayed doing the same thing, doing more cardio, eating less, taking laxatives.

I eventually gave up on the laxatives because I had to take ½ a pack just to go to the bathroom. I couldn’t “go” without them. I was so messed up. I carried on with the cardio, I thought the more I could sweat, the more calories I’d burn. I’d make sure that I burned more than I ate. At one point I was allowing myself 900 calories a day and would spend at least an hour on the elliptical.

This is where I tried my first round of getting “fit” not just skinny. I started those old Insanity DVDs and ordered all the nutrition Beach Body offered. I remember at one point I had a rock solid body, totally fit.

I got divorced and started drinking quite a bit. Seltzers became popular and I have always loved wine, I’m still a wine drinker. I gained some weight and so I thought I’d try working out with a trainer. I did that a couple times a week and would occasionally do some cardio. Covid came around and I don’t think that did any body any good. So there I was, unhappy with my weight and so I found some new weightloss pill to take, it worked. I lost ten pounds but didn’t take myself as seriously as I should have.